There are some who devote their lives to finding a cure for cancer. There are some who strive to solve the world's environmental problems. There are brave souls who put their lives on the line every day to keep us all safe and others who selflessly and without fanfare do the thankless work needed to make the world a better place.
My noble duty to society, my calling, my sole purpose of being on this planet is to do everything possible to rid the world of the dumbest sports argument ever devised.
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You can't throw an errant Tim Tebow pass without hitting a moronic sports debate of some sort, but there aren't any as misguided as the notion thrown out recently by South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier that a great college football team, like No. 1 Alabama this season, wouldn't just be competitive in the NFL, but it could possibly beat a few teams.
Any NFL team would do to Alabama what Alabama would do to Savannah State.
Usually this dopiest of debates generates life after a post from an delusional superfan on a message board or from a blog on some gimmicky sports report site, but this time it came from one of the greatest football minds in college football history.
Spurrier is anything but dumb, but with his comment, the master of the quick-witted quip has managed to embolden the stupid.
Every year – EVERY YEAR – this virus infects the sports talk narrative for a day or so, but it's going to be okay. Everything will be just fine as long as you follow my step-by-step instructions for removal of the latest mutated version of the Dumb Sport Argument bug.
Step 1: The argument has nothing to do with hockey, baseball, basketball, or any other sport. A goalie can stand on his head and come up with a miracle on ice. A pitcher can come up with filthy stuff on the right day and shut down the San Francisco Giants. A bunch of three-point bombers can shock a team full of NBA All-Stars. Yes, a quirky spread or option can level the playing field somewhat, but there's no fluky way to win a football game if there's an extreme disparity in physical ability.
Step 2: Do NOT clear your history or cache. This argument has come up every time some great college team is rolling through its schedule, and every time you can point to history and prove why it wouldn't have worked.
For example, the star-studded 2005 team USC had the pro scouts drooling over all the top prospects and talents. Eleven players from that team were taken in the 2006 NFL Draft, five more were selected in 2007 and 10 more in 2008. Out of those 26 prospects, only a few proved that they could actually play at an NFL level.
Matt Leinart was a legendary college player and a tremendous pro prospect, but he hasn't been able to do jack squat in the NFL. Reggie Bush went No. 2 overall, and he turned out to be nothing more than a serviceable starter. For every Steve Smith, Fred Davis and Ryan Kalil, there's a John David Booty, David Kirtman, Dallas Sartz, La Juan Ramsey, or the late Fred Matua, who went through a camp, and might have even made a roster, but didn't have much of an impact.
Not only couldn't the 2005 USC team beat Texas; it would've been slaughtered by Dallas.
Forget an NFL team. Can Alabama even take down LSU this weekend? CFN gives you its fearless prediction for the big game.
Step 3: Even if all of the players were in the mix on a 2005 USC vs. NFL team, including the backups who rose to prominence a few years later, that would still be a team full of 26 pro prospects. NFL prospect and NFL player are two completely different things.
The players on the 2012 Kansas City Chiefs are real, live NFL players. They're no longer prospects; they actually made it through the natural selection process. This year's Alabama team might have as many as 30 future NFL prospects from top to bottom, but the Kansas City Chiefs have 53 NFL players on its team, not to mention a practice squad of players who'd start this week for the Tide against LSU. Remember, last year, Alabama managed just six points against the Tigers, and that team had Trent Richardson running the ball.
Step 4: Coaching. Either you're a pro football coach, or you're not. Nick Saban would be fine as an NFL head man if he had the right players, but his assistants are college assistants. There's a reason for that. That might change in the near future, but if you're at the top of your game, you're at the next level.
Step 5: The NFL is full of grown-ass men. Strip away every other part of the argument and every other piece of the debate, and in the end it comes down to one very simple and very obvious fact: 23-to-34-year-old men who have spent years in a professional weight room with professional training and professional – ahem – supplements are physically more mature and simply better than any roster full of college players.
Yes, Alabama has at least three offensive linemen who can step onto an NFL field this Sunday and be solid, and nose tackle Jesse Williams is insane if doesn't leave the team right now to protect the multi-millions waiting for him as a 10-year NFL defensive anchor, but even the stars are going to need a few more years before they fully develop.
And then there's the maturity factor when it comes to actually being a professional. College teams all look the part, and some are covered by the media like they're pros, but they're not professionals. The players get, maybe, half the practice and film time during the season that the NFL guys do, and they get 30 offseason practices compared to the 365-day-a-year job it is to do what is needed to become and remain a pro. The pros have seen it all and gone through the NFL wars, and to a man they all say the speed of the game goes Usain Bolt when they're first trying to figure out what to do.
There, now go ahead and restart. You should finally be free of this debate.
Kansas City Chiefs 55, Alabama 0.